Ladies Night Out (A quick, second-person one-shot for your entertainment! :D)

Your first thought is that the lights are too dim.

You slip into the seat beside Candice Michelle and Kelly Kelly at Aces Wild, the biggest, most popular strip club in the country, and you make sure that your hair is combed forward so that no one would notice who you were. "I didn't think I'd see so many Divas here," you remark flatly to Candice, who had just finished stuffing a five dollar bill into someone's belt.
"Ladies' Night Out," Candice replies, grinning at the stripper before turning towards you. "This is the first one you've come to, isn't it?"

"Yeah..." You look around, feeling vaguely embarrassed and wishing that you'd stayed in your hotel room. At least Vince isn't here, you think darkly, knowing he'd hold it over each and every single Diva if he knew about these little outings.

But then again, Stephanie and--was that LINDA?!--were here too, so maybe Vince really didn't care.

"You have these every month?" you ask weakly, blushing at the sight of the many, MANY well-built topless waiters.

"Every few months," Kelly Kelly pipes up. "It's a good way to get some feminine bonding time in. The main show should be starting soon. You'll like it. They've got this guy, biggest non-steroid muscles you've ever seen!"

"They're just like Dave's," Candice sighs wistfully, her eyes misting over.

You roll your eyes. "Big muscles aren't really my type," you say disdainfully. You see enough of them at work, after all, and besides...your type was much smarter than a big muscle man. Those glasses he wore were just so cute on him...

"You haven't seen these ones," Kelly Kelly says with a smile. "They're really flexible."

"So is Rey Mysterio and Evan Bourne," you counter dully.

"They've got great hair."

"John Morrison might disagree."

"They're dancers," Kelly Kelly adds, as if that meant anything.

You throw your arms up in the air in exasperation, but you give up anyway. No use trying to escape or talk some sense into your co-workers--so you might as well enjoy the show, right?

The lights start going down in preparation for the main event. As far as you're concerned, this was going to be the most boring thing ever--some random man with big muscles taking off everything but a thong, probably pole dancing...honestly, didn't the other Divas get enough of this at WORK?! It isn't as though you had lots of free time to waste on this kind of thing, and you never once imagined that Candice and Kelly Kelly did either.

You signal to one of the waiters and got a glass of white wine, before you turn your attention back to the stage as the whistles and catcalls start up.

"Before our main act," came an announcement over the speakers, "we have a special request to fulfill. Ladies, put your cash away and get ready for some amateur action!"

Beside you, Candice and Kelly Kelly are staring at the stage in shock as the other Divas begin to shriek in horror. "Amateurs?!" Maryse screams. "I hate when they do this! We want Vlad!" A number of the other Divas obviously agreed with her, and soon a chant goes up for this "Vlad" person.

"We want Vlad!"

"WE WANT VLAD!"

Whoever the announcer was, he ignored the boos and calls. "The superstars are in the house!"

"WHAT?!" You look around in alarm. Maybe it was just paranoia, but working with the WWE would make anyone paranoid when that kind of call went out...and in a strip club, of all things. It seemed that you were the only one who was nervous about it, though, what with the cheering that had gone up, so you (reluctantly and fearfully) turn your attention back to the stage as the last calls for Vlad, the star male stripper, die off.

Your mouth drops open when you do.

Dave Batista, who was dressed in a fake doctor's lab coat, stood on the stage looking proud and cocky--what a poor choice of words! Seemingly against your will, your eyes travel down and you wonder just what Dave had on underneath the white lab coat, but before you can picture it, Rey Mysterio and Chris Jericho had taken the stage, Rey dressed as a surgeon while Chris was dressed as a fireman. Rey pulls out his stethoscope, Chris pulls out a fireman's axe, and--

--your eyes widen. That's...just...not hygienic, your mind stammers out in dismay.

And that was when Evan Bourne comes out, his face red under the lights. He goes straight for the pole in the middle of the stage, hooks his legs around it, and proceeds to show himself to be a bit more of an acrobat than anyone had suspected.

Dave, Rey, and Chris were attempting the same, but apparently weren't as skilled or flexible (although Rey came pretty damn close). Where Evan's and Rey's legs were around the top of the pole, Dave and Chris were apparently still trying to lift themselves up. Evan was wearing nothing but a pair of skimpy thongs, leaving very little to the imagination about what he was hiding under the tiny piece of clothing.

Dave had somehow managed to climb up the pole, his arms straining, but while he'd been doing that, Evan had managed to turn himself upside down, his hands now the only thing keeping him on the pole. You lick your lips and stare raptly at Evan's package, almost falling out of the Speedo-thongs-whatever-it-was that he'd donned for this performance. "I never knew Evan was so..."

Kelly Kelly, who had been staring at the stage in shock, suddenly stood on her feet, her face a picture of horror. "EVAN, YOU WHORE!"

There was a moment where Evan's eyes widened and his head turned to Kelly Kelly. It was a long moment, a deer-in-headlights moment, and at the end of it, Evan's hands slipped. The fall to the floor was longer than it should have been, and the sound wasn't loud enough to carry over the music, but with the number of witnesses in the audience-- and on the stage-- it didn't really matter.

Rey slid down his pole and rushed to Evan, immediately talking to him. Even though he was clad in nothing more than his own tiny underwear, Dave went to Evan's side as well. He caught Rey's attention and pointed at his neck. Rey nodded gravely, then mimed a telephone back to Chris, who immediately pulled out his cell phone (where he had hidden it, despite the lack of clothing on his body, you don't know and don't WANT to know).

You close your eyes and wonder why men are so incapable of everything. You stand and go to the DJ, rudely cutting off the music. "Call an ambulance," you sigh, shaking your head.

Several of the Divas had taken to the stage and were dealing with the situation up there. Chris's face was getting as red as Evan's had been when they came out, and Dave and Rey were clearly covering their embarrassment with professionalism.

By the time the ambulance had arrived, Evan is relatively stable and can once again form coherent sentences. His vitals had been checked, and although the medics had diagnosed a grade 3 concussion, he was lucky enough that no one was mentioning a spinal cord injury with any seriousness.

You shake your head as the paramedics put Evan into the ambulance, leaning against the wall beside Candice. "Thanks for inviting me," you say with a small grin. "The guys sure know how to liven up a night."

Candice only laughs, and pockets her digital camera in her jeans.

LMAO! Great job lol

Nice mental images! lol

NNice job again lol

LMFAO!!!!

We should turn this into a topic lol.

haha Kelly "EVAN YOU WHORE!" Uh Airbourne's introuble.

And yummy mental images, thanks so much! lol. Dave, le sigh.

Great job Maddie.

I love that Candice would bring her camera XD

I love the turning it into a topic idea lol

Oh yeah!! "EVAN YOU WHORE" LMAO! lol

Haha, an "Aces Wild" strip club topic? Yum. X333333

I'm glad you guys like this! (Especially the "EVAN, YOU WHORE!" line. )

It's because Evan's too cute to really be a whore, that's why it's so funny!

But Evan's so FLEXIBLE. XD

...what about Dave? He'd probably become rich if he went into this line of work. And I'd become poor from flinging all those dollars at him. *drool*

Lol I'd be bankrupt! Mhmm, yummy Dave!

...LOL, I can imagine Candice casually calling smexy Dave a slut-master for being a part of the strip act. X3

Yep, and then she'd tell him his sluttiness is for her alone

LMAO!

Well you two girls can have Dave and give him all the dollars you want XD lol

Who wouldn't want Dave? C:

Although Evan would also be a good choice. I mean, he can climb that pole and all.

Evan's my substitute boyfriend when Dave's away and can't play with me XD

Ha, good second choice! XD

I don't know who to pick after Dave. I love Rey-Rey, but he's married and I don't go after them married, good ole' boys. :#

John Cena? Jeff Hardy? Matt? Cody? Ted? Edge? Um...DJ Gabriel was kinda cute. I love Kofi too he's adorable. CM Punk?

Wow, prime choices. *squee~* (:

A lot of them are engaged, have girlfriends, or are known playboys, though. *sigh* Kofi's cute, though. He's very...squishy looking. *hugs*

lmao, I call him Squishy! haha what a coincidence!

NO WAY.

...

*suspicious suspicious suspicious* Are you secretly a mind reader? You're reading my brain, aren't you?! >:/

Nah, but seriously, Kofi is the kind of guy you just want to hug when you see him. Rey's pretty squishy too, if you think about it. XD

I think we just think alike.

I call Evan squishy too, especially when he smiles!

And yes, Rey's a squishy too lol

Cool minds think alike!

Ha, all of the really flexible guys are squishy. WWE should start up a "Squishy" Championship or something. X3

Haha I can just picture it now.

"And making his way to the ring, from St. Louis Missouri, weighing 183 lbs, he is the Squishy Champion, Evan Bourne!"

ROFL! XD

haha!!! awwwwwwwwwwwww thjat sounds so sweet LMAO

Haha that would be hilarious.

could actually hear Lilian announcing it in my head...wow, Kylie, I think I'm becoming Evan obsessed...he and Dave will be it for me lol

Well who can blame you lol Those are the bestest obsessions ever!!!!!!!!!!!

True XD

Haha Squishy Champion lol